Hey there delilah
25 March 2008-3:51 AM
The funniest part of the song hey there delilah is the fact that if you listen close enough to the vocal track you can hear the auto-tune all over the place, especially at the end when he's doing his hilarious mariah carey bullshit.
It mostly cracks me up that I can hear that shit.
Ataxia And You: A Survivor's Guide
11 March 2008-3:43 AM
"Ataxia From Greek α- (used as a negative prefix) + -τάξις (order), meaning "lack of order". It is a neurological sign and symptom consisting of gross incoordination of muscle movements. Ataxia is an aspecific clinical manifestation implying dysfunction of parts of the nervous system that coordinate movement, such as the cerebellum. Several possible causes exist for these patterns of neurological dysfunction."
Basically in the end, the reasons creating my issues don't really matter if I can't co-ordinate my life well enough to function like a present and aware human being. I quite frequently would wonder what it must be like to actually have everything in order, to have all my ducks in a row. Thinking about it reminded me that while I may be completely fucked over for the time being, it doesn't mean I have lost it. I now remember that I did, at one point in time, understand both sense and organization. I used to understand reality. Order is a part of who I am. Order brought me to disorder so that I would better understand and appreciate order.
I forgot who I was the day I got myself fired from Good Earth. I didn't feel like being responsible one random shitty morning, and acted accordingly even though I knew I shouldn't have. I miss that job dearly, I had such a good time every single day. There was enough variety that I never got bored, there were good people so I could stay talkative and at the end of the day I felt like I'd done something with myself. I have always prided myself on being responsible, my word is gold, but I'm pretty sure I dropped a notch in my own books that day.
I fucked up and I've been pawing my way through the dark ever since. I need to move past that. I need to shift gears and start focusing my creative energy towards something productive that will make me proud. I know I'm capable of great things, and I'm fucking scared of how strong-willed I actually am, so I hide it and then hide behind that. When you see me you see a coward hiding behind a shadow of who I used to be, which is hiding somewhere within the shell that is this body in which I've been haunting this planet for the last year.
I died a little inside, but this is me forgiving myself. This is me getting up off my knees and not praying for something good, moving on and being re-born.
Kind of serendipitously fitting, seeing as it's springtime.